A Different Kind Of Friend

Sometimes a friend is a different kind of friend. There have been times in my life I have been a horrible friend. Not because I didn’t want to be a good friend but because of an illness. When at the worst of my eating disorder I was completely malnourished, My brain and body were starving. I was not physically capable of thinking straight. My brain was not working right because I was starving it. My cognitive ability was greatly impaired.

There were many amazing people around me that I shut out. At times of depression in my life I have done the same thing. I remember times that I felt mentally and physically unable to find the energy to say hello let alone be social. I have missed out on getting to know many incredible people because of my eating disorder. Some people have been there for me, when I have not been able to be for myself or anyone else.

There were many people who were a different kind of friend. Who befriended my beautiful daughter and I. There were many who showed kindness and love. At the time I know didn’t seem to appreciate their kindness. I felt too ashamed of where I was in life and my eating disorder and too sick, confused and tired to return any friendship. I didn’t believe I had anything to offer. I look back at those times in life now. I have been shown kindness that will forever touch my soul and be in my heart. I am grateful for church friends (Bishops, Relief Society sisters, primary and young women leaders, visiting teachers and home teachers) and for my closest friends and sista who reached out to me even though I repeatedly pushed them away. I am thankful for their patience, their support and their love for my beautiful daughter.

I am grateful for every casserole

and kind note that you sent

For all the treat plates full,

or loaves of bread you’ve leant,

For Family Home Evening Nights,

Garden parties and Bar-b-ques,

For all the other invites,

that you would send too,

Thank you for inviting me,

when you knew I’d say no,

If food was offered socially,

I would seldom ever go.

I’m grateful for compassion,

And unconditional love,

And for those on a mission,

For their God above.

I’m thankful no one put me down,

Or made me feel bad,

When I flashed you as a clown,

At the talent show you had,

I’m grateful for each of you,

That were really kind,

All the things you’d do,

Helped to ease my mind.

It was my disease not me,

that treated you that way,

It’s not how I’d normally be,

Or the things I’d normally say,

I am grateful for your friendship,

And all the things you’ve done,

To help make my lifelong trip,

A more meaningful and loving one.

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2 Responses to A Different Kind Of Friend

  1. I know exactly what you mean. When I was in the depths of my eating disorder, I could be horrible to people, but more often, I just couldn’t socialize. My anxiety, my fear of food, and my low sense of self-worth kept me from engaging others, even those who were the kindest to me.

  2. thecrazylady says:

    It is hard to explain to people who don’t understand. It is almost a fear of being around the world when you are wrapped up in an eating disorder. It is an all consuming black hole that you hide in by yourself. I just hope anyone still there, knows it can be better, life can be filled with peace and happiness.
    I also hope anyone that knows someone in the depths of an eating disorder will have patience, love and understanding for their loved one. It can be the difference of life or death, hope or desperation. I hope anyone struggling sees that there can be joy and gratitude and laughter in life.
    Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment.

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