I am blessed in life with some true friends. Some have been true friends that have lost touch for years but they were true friends for a time in life and for always in your heart. It took me a really long time in life to believe I had any friends. I always thought people were just pretending to love me because I wasn’t lovable. I felt they must either feel sorry for me or just like my family and are nice to me because they were nice, not because they really like me. I honestly walked away from every conversation in life thinking the other person was probably glad saying “I’m glad that’s over. What an idiot”.
There is one friend who broke through that wall of self hatred. She has seen the real, raw me more than anyone else on earth. She has seen me sob in her arms when I didn’t think I could carry on and she has seen me dance with excitement at moments of celebration or joy. She wasn’t there because I was born in her family and she had to be, she wasn’t there as a favor to someone else. She has picked me up from the darkest holes in life and cheered me to any accomplishment I have had in life since knowing her. Paula just accepts me as I am, all of me…good and bad, who I am is just me and she is there for me because of who I am. She may not realize it but she has strengthen every friendship and family relationship I have in my life. I now know that someone can love my friendship and can like me as a person no matter what my faults. I have been able to create and believe in other true friendships in my life because of her kindness, her unconditional love. I was able to start my life over and even gain the confidence to go back to college and find my passion in health care because she could be my friend…a true friend.
Loved ones have been the ones that made me believe I could go back to college. They saw the potential in me that I didn’t believe was there. I received Honours. I loved school. I loved learning. The biggest thing I learned was…I am not always stupid. Friends gave me the courage to go after a dream I had for years, and to create new dreams…to believe dreams were possible for me. I had no trouble believing someone else could reach their dreams…but for me, I wasn’t smart enough or talented enough to have dreams, I didn’t deserve them and I’d just screw it up anyway. True friends believe in you when you don’t. They help you realize that you have talents and good qualities. They change a mood, a day and a life.
I have some really amazing true friends in my life. Some of them are my family. I have a deep friendship with each of them that I cherish. I have close friends who love me when I couldn’t love myself, and taught me how to. Life gets busy sometimes and we don’t always take the time to share how much people mean to us. I wanted to take a moment to share my gratitude for the true friends in my life. The ones I will always be in touch with and the ones that for whatever reason are past, I am grateful for the true friend you are to me.