Being a mom. The calling in life that has brought me my greatest joy has also had me experience moments of my deepest pain and , most overwhelming fear, most regretful failures, greatest understanding of life and most questions ….being a mom.
I was blessed with an incredible mom. She loves and supports me unconditionally. It took being a mom to understand just how deeply and how completely unconditionally it was. When I was young I never really understood that parents were human beings with frailties and fears and uncertainty. I didn’t understand that physical, emotional, spiritual ache a mom has when her child is suffering. Now, with my beautiful daughter I understand and reflect on the fears my mom must have had through my life. Being a mom changed and deepened the love found in every memory of my life. Being Heather’s mom has shown me what love is, what life is.
There are times I feel so helpless as a mom. Watching my beautiful girl who I love with my whole heart, experience trials and struggles in life that are out of my control. As a mom you want to ease that pain, chase the boogieman away or cringe at some of the choices they make or difficulties they are facing. Often it is because you have seen where those choices lead and know an easier way. You can’t make the choices for them.
Sometimes pain and sickness and struggles happen in a child’s life as they travel this journey on earth that seem unfair or unexplainable and you feel helpless as a mom. There is never a position on earth where you have more meaningful triumphs and more agonizing mistakes. And when at the end looking back on my life there will be no other thing I’ve done that that will be more in my heart and mind and spirit as important. There is no one in my life that holds a bigger place in my heart and mind and spirit.
Motherhood may be the subject of many a book,
But the answers are not all there no matter where you look,
You start out with the perfect baby and the perfect plan,
But about a week into motherhood it goes in the garbage can,
The “I’ll be the perfect mom” thoughts are soon replaced,
Gee I wish that mistake could be erased.
Daily you wonder if you are doing what is right,
You worry every moment they are out of sight.
You see your greatest weaknesses and your frailties,
You spend alot more time praying on your knees,
Their voice or smiling face can bring the deepest joys,
And their silent cries can break through any noise,
You’d give everything in life for their happiness,
And love them unconditionally no matter what they confess,
Because you have the blessing of being their Mother,
And you’d never choose a life that gave you any other.