I have always loved the middle of the night. It used to be that it was a time the world around you is sleeping. People weren’t going to call or expect anything from me. I couldn’t fail at something because no one was awake to let down in the middle of the night. I still love it, but for very different reasons….
Life slows down in the middle of the night. I do like that. It gives me time to be excited for the adventure of tomorrow. It is time of planning, not worrying. It is time of being grateful not fear or sadness. The people in my life are responsible for that. I love making midnight fruit smoothies with my daughter, geocaching for an afternoon or heading to the gym together for a workout. I have parents that are unconditionally loving and supportive. In the middle of the night I get to take a moment to think about how amazing my family really is. It makes me smile.
I smile when I come home to a cute hand written note in my door from a sweet friend or flowers left sitting on top of my car and a text from Animal who left them saying I should get them before the other animals do. I am blessed by people that see me through eyes of compassion and are kind. I have friends that collected donations for months to help with a cause and put hours of service into helping with my projects. I have people who give me warm hugs and friendly greetings when they see me….never knowing how much that one smile or gentle hug has eased my anxiety and stopped me from bolting from the building to avoid doing or saying something stupid. They think it is just a smile. To me it is a life line, preserver as I feel like I’m drowning in insecurity. It is better than it was.
Now I’ll stay and enjoy interacting with others. I even force myself to accept invitations or to extend them myself so I don’t hide away anymore.
I spent decades of my life not looking up to see the smile or staying to get the hug from others…Those smiles and offers of kindness were not wasted though. It may have seemed so to the person at the time. I love the middle of the night now because when I think of those days and nights of dread they are now memories filled with compassion from others, smiles as I left the building the terror of the day is replaced with memories of smiles and kindness. They thought it was just a smile…to me it is the meaning of life, it is what helped carry me through to now…A smile is never just a smile. It is a memory of kindness and tomorrow is never just another day. It is the opportunity to change life for yourself and for others…and sometimes all it takes is putting a smile on your face or someone elses.